vocial

This is my very first post as a spiritual being having a human experience trying to figure out what the heck I'm here for. I have been looking for a platform like this where I can process, I used to call it brain dump and I used to do it in a journal, but I find that it's so much more potent when I'm speaking it out and even more potent when I'm sharing it because you never know who's going to come across thoughts that we're sharing that are channeling through us and I know that we're all so connected. So my intention is for my vibe to attract my tribe. I've been on a spiritual journey for, well, since before I came to earth, right? But I've been aware of being a spiritual being having a human experience, like, what the heck is this human thing? Ever since I was a little kid, but I officially went on this, like, let's break the matrix journey in my 20s and now I'm in my 40s, 48 this year, and I love that I'm still asking the question, who the fuck am I? Why am I here? And it's coming from this, like, deep place. It's not coming from a superficial place. It's not coming from a place of desolation. There might be a little bit of existentialism in there, but ultimately it feels like this deep well of, I know that these moments that we're having, some of them seem so bland and some of them are more potent and rich. No one is different than the other. And I've had, I have days where I had a massive actually deja vu tonight when I was feeding some cats. I was watching, I'm living pet sitter life right now. And I chose to leave my corporate job a couple of years ago, was pushed out of it after getting really sick. And that was my first step out of the matrix social conditioning that I consciously unplugged myself. And it was so scary. And I'm still honestly getting my bearings financially. But I spawned into working with animals and it's just happened so naturally and so gracefully. And I think that the moments being, feeling really high and really low and some places in between, I sit and I ponder a lot throughout the day, watching a dog right now. So when he's playing with his ball in the yard and I'm deciding to take a break from our soccer game, sitting and just soaking in the sun, I am still asking myself those questions and I'm tuning into my energy. I'm like, okay, where am I right now? And I just noticed like a change in frequency and energy throughout the day. And I'm slowly getting to this place where I'm like finding this equanimity because that is my prayer. Like, how can I be, just feel the peace of, I call creator God. But I still feel like I just don't know how I feel about that. I even have some Christian stations on my radio. Not at all a religious person, not at all Christian, was raised Catholic. But like, I like it when they talk about giving it over, surrendering, praying, because I definitely do that. But when they say my Lord, like that one throws me off, you know. And there's pieces of like the holy book, the Bible is the one I've read more of that just throw me off. I'm like, okay, what is this whole like bowing to the Lord? Like I'm your servant. I understand that from like a heart based perspective, but my ego like shudders a bit. So I feel like I'm just always questioning. I don't know. I don't know mentally, but I know in a heart sense that I'm exactly where I need to be. And this way of sharing honestly works for my introvert. Writing and speaking it out to the ethers and seeing who hears this or not. Maybe this is just a memo that floats in the cosmos and no humans hear it. Maybe the aliens do. And I truly believe that we're all one. So we're not alone, obviously. I'll leave that for another share. But, you know, I'm just glad I can speak and be heard. And there's something powerful about sharing on a platform. I feel like it's like this quantum energy exchange. So I'm not doing it in my own voice memo. I'm not doing a long podcast. I just finished my seasons of the 5D codes podcast that I had just because it was like a message I felt like I needed to get out.